DARK CITY: LONDON – WHERE DETECTIVE WORK IS JUST A FANCY WORD FOR “CLICKY-CLACK BS”​​
(Free-to-play (but we’ll guilt trip u into buying hints, no cap))

TL;DR (BECAUSE NO ONE READS LONG ASS BIOS)​​

Solve cringe mysteries, click 500 trash objects, and pretend u r a genius detective. Some headless ghost ruins London’s big party—u gotta farm coins, spam mini-games, and pray the dev’s “hint” system ain’t a scam. Spoiler: The real boss is ur lack of patience.

WHY PLAY? (SPOILER: U WON’T)​​

• ​Cluttered Trash Scenes: 500+ objects to click, but 90% are just junk. “Is this a candlestick or a metaphor for my life choices?”
• ​Puzzle Hell: Solve mini-games that require more luck than brains. “If I spin this teapot 100x, will it summon the ghost?”
• ​Cash Grind 2.0: Stuck? Buy hints! Pay $5 to skip 10 seconds of “fun.” “Invest in your suffering!”

FEATURES (OR LIES THEY SOLD U)​​

​1. “Epic” Storyline​

• Play as Chad McDetective, a caffeine zombie with zero deductive skills. Follow a plot dumber than a bag of hammers.
• Collect clues like a nosy Karen. “Did u check the fridge? The ghost might be lactose intolerant!”

​2. “Challenging” Mini-Games​

• Play mini-game BS that’s harder than quantum physics. “Why am I stacking teacups to catch a ghost named Steve?”
• Hidden objects so hidden, even the devs don’t know where they are. “Maybe it’s in ur mom’s basement?”

​3. “Rewards” That Suck​

• Unlock bonus chapters where u do the same plot with new wallpaper. “Woohoo, same trash, different day!”
• Collectibles galore! Assemble a “mystery box” of useless crap. “Look, I found a pixelated paperclip!”

​WHY IT’S A SINKING SHIP (BUT U’LL STILL PLAY)​​

• ​No Paywall? Lie.​​ Hints cost real cash. “Just grind for 10hrs instead! We’ll wait.”
• ​Ghost AI Dumber Than NPCS: The headless ghost can’t even find the exit. “I’ll hide behind a potted plant and nap.”
• ​Server Meltdowns: Lag spikes so bad, even the ghost gets bored and quits.

​HOW TO LOSE HOURS (AND SANITY)​​

1. ​Farm Coins Like a Madman: Waste 10hrs farming coins to buy a sword that does 0 damage. “Victory is a scam!”
2. ​Overthink Clues: Stare at a painting for 20mins trying to find a ghost named “Gary.” “Is that a shadow or my existential crisis?”
3. ​Join Leaderboards: Compete with whales who speedran using cheat codes. “GG, I guess?”

​DOWNLOAD NOW!​​
(But don’t blame us when ur life becomes a grindy loop of clicking, crying, and buyer’s remorse.)

DEV NOTES:

• Made by interns who hate fun.
• Art stolen from a 2007 PowerPoint. “We added filters! It’s ‘vintage’!”
• Testing team quit after Week 1. “We’re not paid enough to lose sleep.”